Face the truth

Have you ever heard the song you're beautiful by james blunt? It is truly a song that for some reason has calmed me i dont feel that all the words describe me or my story but the basis of the song is so TRUE.. When i have things like this happen in my life i usually turn to music maybe a song that is popular in the moment or a song from the past, But i look for anything that will help me relieve the pain i am feeling i think the two things that will help me with this time in my life are music, and the ability to talk i need to tell people what a great man my grandfather was no matter if they want to listen or not i just need to talk about him.

Bompa

WELL... this week leading up to my becoming a non-teenager has been one of trials and tribulations and pain. My grandfather the wonderful 93 year old man who is affectionately called "Bompa" cause someone couldnt say grandpa, passed away he fell a week previous to his death and went into hospital after breaking his hip they say that, Among older adults, falls are the leading cause of injury deaths. The hardest part is that they said he was going to have surgery etc and all that stuff so kept thinking its ok ill go see him this day or this day.. then my mom told me from California on the phone that his kidneys were failing and that tells me everything is starting to shut downso i went and saw him, and his eyes were so tightly closed he was in pain.Which of anything is the one thing of all you dont want your loved ones to have to go through, Being his stubborn norwegian self he wouldnt push the morphine button, which we all know will ease the pain, but he wouldnt so we did it for him. Pretty soon it got apparent that he would pass away on his last day alive i got the privilege and the honor of being the last person that he was responsive to, it wasnt a reply that anyone could understand but what i said to him within my tears was I love you Grandpa, and his reply was i love you to amy, which made me cry even more which was when he started to fail quickly and scare me. I stayed till one in the morning when i left and my mother stayed in his room with her sister the entire night and at 8:40 wednesday mormning they decided to go down and get coffee and at 8:55 when they returned to the room he had passed away. I attempted to be the strong one of trhe girls in my fmily but i cant do it anymore i cant fake it i need to mourn just like them i may not cry as much or as hard but im a private person if those that know me can believe it i dont like to show my emotions i dont like to show vulnerablilty, But i need to just be able to scream out loud and cry as hard as i can I need A HUG. In times like this there is only one person able to console me and he is the man that has always been able to console me my daddy, he can hug me better than no other when i really need it. Today at the funeral it was good i couldnt help but cry when leaving my grandpa at the cemetary i wanted to just see him one more time we had the internment before the funeral so we cried and cried then we had to go face people it was very tough. but i found one piece of good about it he is now in a place wheer he can watch the olympics with no commercials and play golf 24 hours a day in the total sunshine and he is now playing with the masters. RIP GRANDPA ED 2*8*2006

Ammers

Starting.....

I've never really been good at keeping a Blog the main reason i make a blog is to be able to read others where you need to "Be a Member" so you need to "Sign Up Here" so i do and all that jazz then i use it to read others so im hoping this one wll go better than my last attempts!!!!
Ammers!!