Thursday, October 25, 2007

Starting over....

So I guess my last attempt didnt work very well. But since Mary Lou and Pete are now blogging I figure I should be blogging... But then again they are doing interesting things with their lives mine is only school and taking care of my wonderful residents at work. Work was very interesting tonight it was hard, but a learning experience at the same time. Death is not something people are comfortable with, its not something they look forward to. Tonight I had a resident pass away while I was in the room with her. I had asked her family members to leave the room while I performed evening cares. Repositioning, changing their brief, washing her up, Now mind you she was on comfort cares meaning she was expected to pass within a few days. While another aid and I were doing our cares her breathing became lesser, far and few. She had started mottling, her legs were cold arms, etc. I continued washing her until she took one final gasp of air. Her chest rose higher then it had previously. Then she was done the other aid put her hand on her chest. Feeling her heart beating no more instinctively I put my hand there praying to feel a beat. Where just hours before I had counted the beats feeling them for a full minute with my hand in the same position. There was none. She was truly done, deceased. My chest filled with tightness. This was my fault that her family was unable to be with her when she passed, I was the one that had asked them to leave. I could feel myself beginning to panic , I just needed to breathe, I needed to get out the door and to the nurse a few doors down without her family knowing. I got to the nurse and told her in my panicked voice. There is no heart beat she died while we were washing her up. I was unable to handle this my stomach was churning in knots and I just needed to focus on something. I am ok with death but this was my first experience touching someone and watching them take their last breath. Being able to know the smell of death when you walk into a room is not something that you look forward to knowing. But I do know that smell, I do know what it looks like and I do know what it feels like when you touch someone and you know they are about to die because their stomach is cold, and their face is turning blue and their breath is soon to be no more. I am ok with death. Not comfortable quite yet nor will I be for a very long time. It is a part of life and dealing with life in my career I also have to deal with death. Having dealt with this before my fellow employees reminded me that this happens quite often. People will wait until their family has left the room to pass away even if only for a minute. This I understand and am comfortable with. Its late and I am tired. I promise not all of these blogs will be like this only a few when my work follows me home and I need someone to talk to at midnight when I get there. Lots of Love! Ammers!

1 comment:

Mindy said...

Wow Aim...that is tough stuff! I hope the family understood. I'm glad that is not something I need to get used to. Take care.