Sad Times......

Today is not an easy day for me. I only had two classes and I don't have to work, but I am at home trying to say goodbye to a wonderful puppy that has been in my family's life for the past 8 years. Polly had a stroke last Friday night and hasn't really improved much. She is confused and not really with it but she is still there. I took her for a walk the other night and when i showed her the leash she tried to jump and bark and be excited but it came out kind of like a whine and half bark. but she hopped up a few times. Not the old girl i used to know but she's in there somewhere. My parents made the devastating decision to have her put to sleep. She is at home resting having all the treats we can possibly give her. I haven't really cried til this afternoon when my mom told me they had an appointment set for tomorrow afternoon. Its happening its real she will not be here for this weekend or another family get together. I know its for the best and its stopping her suffering but I don't like it I'm selfish. I'm trying to go through the grieving process but its hard because she is still here eating the treats I'm giving her hopping up and down the stairs to go to the bathroom, laying down on the carpet in front of me. She is also running into walls has a permanent head tilt to the left(her tail even angles that way) and has a dazed and confused look in her eyes. I just wish my parents would wait until Monday. They go up north every weekend... Polly Loves it up there. she used to actually sit on the front porch when it was time to go home and not move until my dad made her come even though she was going for a car ride, she loved it there and never wanted to leave, I believe it would be nice to take her there one last time. I'm considering stealing her and driving up tomorrow after class so she can be there one last time. This is so incredibly hard i really don't know what I'm going to do when she is not here. Its the plain and simple fact that its habit I wake up and Polly is here i need to let her out etc etc now is the time in my grieving process where I'm feeling guilt, for not spending more time with her or taking her for more walks. I just want more time (there is my bargaining...) I want her to be able to enjoy a few last car rides not just the death ride to the vet. I feel so helpless not being able to do anything. I keep thinking in human terms about my residents who've had strokes they got worse before they got better but we wouldn't euthanize a human being.. even though their families were on death watch for a while. People think of their pets as humans sisters brothers sons and daughters.... Why did i think this would be so easy... Its as the saying goes you never really miss something or someone until their really gone.
Pollyanna Marie Molin !!!!(that's what I've always called her)